Two hours later we were done with the entire nerve-wracking experience. Whistlemop got bandaged up, the admin team moved to the office, Penelope finally calmed down after her fourth drink, and everyone else got to racking stouts.

All three tanks of them.

My random percentage batch hadn’t turned out very good, and Penelope had spurned it after a single sip. The first two batches she’d drunk with glee, and the last batch of wheat-free coffee stout had been acceptable as well. If anything, she’d liked it more.

After the fiasco that had been her first drink we’d wrapped her up in blankets before continuing. She’d still kicked and bucked and gone ballistic, but the blanket had kept her from doing… that to anyone else. Poor Whistlemop. He was currently sipping hot tea in the corner of the office and twitching.

A collection of Thirsty Goat tankards sat on the table. Annie, Copperpot, and myself stood in a ring and examined them suspiciously. Unlike the Ass-Blaster Ale nobody was in a hurry to drink them.

“Is it because she’s a goat, or because the drink is dangerous?” Copperpot murmured.

“Goat.” Annie and I intoned at the same time.

Annie followed up, “Dad used [Check Quality] on it, so we know it’s safe to drink.”

Copperpot shook his head. “Pot Corporation has a lot of experience with that Ability. It’s not infallible. It'll tell you if it’s poisonous, but not if it’s dangerous. That requires an upgraded version.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Annie said in surprise.

“If you’ve only been using it to check the quality of your brew, you wouldn’t. We often try new teas from various dungeons around Erd, so we run into the Ability’s limits quite often,” Copperpot explained.

“It’s my recipe. I’ll do it.” I reached out for the wheat-free stout tankard.

Annie grabbed my hand. “Are you sure, Pete?” Her eyes bored into mine, the worry in them clear.

“I’ll be fine. If there’s one stat I’m proud of, it’s my vitality!” I squared my shoulders.

“Ah, you have it over twenty, at your young age? Good, good.” Copperpot smiled. “I’ve nearly maxed my intelligence. It’s most clear in my memory and when multitasking, though I still like my old notepads. It’s a habit..’

“Uh… sure.” I glanced at my character sheet. It was, in fact, only 19, though the [Blessed] condition was boosting it to 23 for the rest of the year.

Whistlemop stirred in the corner and shivered. “If he starts rolling his eyes and making squealing noises, I’m gone.”

Annie and Copperpot both took a step back.

“Relax, I have more self control than a goat!” I said in mock indignation.

They didn’t look convinced.

I lifted the beer to my nose and took a deep sniff. The scent of coffee mixed with the pungent earthy scent of dwarven brew filled my nostrils. It was sharp, but not unpleasant, and kind of reminded me of my favourite coffee stouts from back on Earth. There was a definite musk to it that came from being made with erdroot, and the foam on top was thicker than I was used to.

I dabbed a finger into the black bubbling liquid and gave it a lick; the stout tingled on my tongue, and had a caramelly aftertaste. That meant the calcium carbonate and acid rest had done their job. Stout could very easily become highly acidic, which would result in burnt tangy notes. The aftertones were closer to a nice french-roast or chocolate coffee bean. I’d need to take a full drink to really appreciate it though.

I raised my tankard in a toast. “For Crack and Minnova, and Gnomish Brew.” Then I took a big gulp.

The beer was smooth going down, with that thick, chewy feeling that came with a good stout. It lacked the creamy texture I associated with nitro-stouts like Guinness, but I would get to that eventually. The carbonation was definitely improved, and I was more than willing to give it an ‘acceptable’ rating. It wouldn’t be perfect until we had sealed tanks, but at least there was some fizz.

The taste was a mix between a cold-brew coffee with zero sugar, and the rancid flavour of True Brew. The nostalgia and yuck factor made for an interesting juxtaposition. Yuckstalgia, perhaps? Like a direct to Netflix version of my favourite childhood IP; it wasn’t vomit inducing, just a horrible mockery of everything I ever loved. I really hoped Copperpot found it acceptable. Because I didn’t.

Ah well, at least it was something new. Perhaps the wheat stouts would taste better, not that I was going to brave the runs by trying them. I’d leave that to Copperpot, or whichever grad student he sacrificed for science. Animal testing may not be allowed at the University, but in my experience grad testing was A-OK in every University of the multi-verse.

Other than that, there was nothing special about the drink.

“Penelope drank a significant amount before her… incident.” Copperpot theorized.

“Fiiiine, I’ll drink the whole thing.” I chugged the rest with a *glug*, *glug*, *glug* and was immediately greeted by a pair of notifications.

*Bing!*

Condition Gained: [Energized]!You have gained the [Energized] Condition!Your Perception and Agility are increased by 4 for the next hour.Your Dexterity and Intelligence are decreased by 6 for the next hour.